Here are mine. Souvenirs of the past recorded in the form of tumblr posts. You may stumble upon a post about my regrets. Or one on late night thoughts. Or one on the little things that induce a smile. One, after another, after another; the memories keep coming.
I’ve never cried over a game of League of Legends.
Not until tonight, that is. I was only trying to get one last game in before I hit the hay tonight for school. There are games where you do everything tremendously well and you’re on the top of your game. There are games where you do decent and someone else on your team does tremendously well. Then there are games where you keep messing up and you’re not doing as well as you could.
This game so happened to be one I did not do so well in. It also happened to be the game where I get a douchebag as a teammate. Every time I did something wrong, he’d point it out. Even when he thinks I’m doing something wrong, he’d mention it. When I continue to mess up, he says that I probably can’t read (all conversation among teammates are through a chat). Then the rest of the game he continued to tell me how bad I was or how much I sucked. He even got another teammate to join in. However, not to the same extent.
People can be so mean. If this were to have happened junior year, I probably would have reconsidered suicide. Honestly, people don’t know how strong their words can come off. Sure, it’s a bunch of text in a chat room from a guy I have never met and probably will never meet. He’s probably some League addict who can barely win a game. Or he’s probably some nice guy who had a bad day is venting it out on me. Who knows? For all he knows, I could’ve been a kid considering suicide. I was. Not now. But he never could’ve guessed that he could’ve been the one that put the knife to my neck, or the pills down my throat, or my body in front of a moving vehicle. No, I’m just some idiot that ruined a gaming experience for him. That’s all I am to him.
His harsh and discouraging words went to me. He’ll probably forget what he’s said by the time he wakes up. Or he’ll continue to vent about how bad I was to his League homies the next chance he gets. His care went only to the game and not to how much his words could’ve hurt me.
It’s these kinds of people that make me loose faith in humanity. It’s these kinds of people that make me loose my faith in myself. It’s these kinds of people that make me want to forget I’m christian and want to cuss like no tomorrow. God held me tongue. God put two friends of mine in that game to keep my levelheaded.
I really had to let my steam out; this really pissed me off. Tumblr, you’ve been handy. This wasn’t the way I wanted to end my last night of summer but things never turn out how I want them to.
